Be careful what you say around your children. Photo: Janie Barrett
Lately, I’ve noticed kids of a certain age turning into mouthpieces of their parents.
It’s a sudden and dramatic change and it appears, at least to my eyes, to take place sometime between their ninth and 12th birthdays.
One year, they’re unique captains of their own little vessels with their own, usually kooky, take on the world, the next it sounds like you’re listening to a squeaky version of their mum or dad.
Which stresses to me the importance of keeping your own kids free from your crummier influences for as long as you possibly can.
We all complain, we all blow our lids, we all trash talk people we love. It’s the defining nature of humans, our ability to… whine.
We’re so careful with our newborns to protect them from bad language, from possible negative influences. But, like everything, our best intentions get lost in the warp and woof of life.
But why ruin the perfection of a child with our own prejudices? Here are eight behaviours you should never, ever, let your kids see.
1. Complaining about feeling sick and taking sick days
Unless you’re bedridden or terminal, y’ain’t sick. Yes, you might feel a little flat, yes, your job might be uninspiring and therefore you don’t particularly want to inhabit your cubicle for the day. But do your kids need to have their worlds coloured blue?
The amount of kids I see who believe they are genuinely ill, who can’t make it to school, who walk around the house in pyjamas, gloomy, all weekend, because of some mysterious illness still surprises me… until I see their misery-guts parents.
– Derek Rielly
Source: Derek Rielly: The eight things your kids should never see you do
Some of this, I can agree with, some, less so. I applaud the apparent intention, however, I have some issues with the language and the implicit messages in the detail.
For example, I wonder whether or not Derek consulted with General Practitioners before he suggested parents go to work unless they’re ‘bed-ridden’.
I agree that we don’t want parents staying home simply because they have a minor headache. However, I am annoyed by people who come to work unwell and am tired of ‘picking things up’, at least in part, because of them. Particularly so when I have a vulnerable child at home that I could pass illnesses on to. I would think it is better to stay home if you identify that you are coming down with something. Chances are, you’ll recover quicker and you’ll spare others.
Concerning the remaining 7 points, I think it is reasonable to suggest that we watch what we say or do and how often we say or do it. That said, I think it is healthy for our kids to see our ‘imperfections’. If we notice that they are copying us, a discussion about it seems far more useful than effectively ‘hiding’ it. Seeing them behaving in the same way – especially if they point out that we do it, might just be the incentive we need to work on our own behaviour.
Finally, to title such an article with the terms ‘should’ and ‘never’ is too harsh and guilt producing rather behaviour altering language. It suggests that if we say or do the ‘forbidden’ once, we’ve failed. This elicits the response “I’ve stuffed it now. I might as well give up!” Consequently, the opportunity to alter our behaviour is missed.
NB: Any parents who are thinking of having their kids spend time with Derek’s kid’s might think twice… chances are, your kid and your ‘failures’ as a parent might be published!