Entries Tagged 'parenting' ↓

3.9% of the births in NSW to mothers under 20 years of age
12,326 teenagers gave birth in Australia in 2008

Teenage pregnancies in Australia are on the rise again with an increase of 15% since 2008. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics teenage birth rates in NSW seem to be concentrated around the greater western Sydney area and more rural areas in the west of the state. Data suggests that this co-insides with lower socio-economic areas of Sydney. The Greater Western Area Health Service has the highest rate of teenage mothers, recording 8.1% of NSW births.

Experts are concerned as they see this as an indication that teenagers are becoming sexually active earlier. This can put them at risk of not only unplanned pregnancies but also sexually transmissible diseases, many young people do not engage in protected sex.
 
Dr Patricia Weerakoon, co-ordinator of the University of Sydney’s graduate program in sexual health said ”The rates of sexually transmissible infections in young people are rising because they are having unprotected sex. That is also reflected in the rising number of teenagers having babies.”

Maggie Hamilton, author of What’s Happening to our Girls? and Generation Next speaker is concerned that at such a young age, adolescents are not emotionally equipped to deal with the intricacies of an intimate relationship or the long term commitment a baby brings.

“Girls see teenage pregnancy as a way of giving themselves the nurture they’ve missed out on. For those short months of pregnancy, the attention is on them. Their expectations about having a baby are so unrealistic,” she said. They go for instant gratification without considering the long term consequences of their actions; an unplanned and/or unwanted pregnancy.

While many young people are reaching puberty before their teenage years, their brains do not fully develop until they are in their late teens or early 20s.

“Their hormones are saying they are ready to become sexually active but their brains won’t fully mature for another few years,” Dr Weerakoon said. “Young teenagers do not have a well-developed control mechanism which is why they engage in risky behaviour. They don’t think about the long-term consequences of their behaviour.”

Many, like Associate Professor Juliet Richters, of the University of NSW feel the answer is to provide better sex education and access to more information about sexual health in general.

“Australia is only doing medium well in terms of providing support and sex education to young women, the 14, 15, 16-year-old age group who become pregnant tend to be at risk … A lot of them don’t necessarily want to have the baby,” She said.

Another possible solution is to support teenage mothers so they can finish their education and to this end many schools now run programs for young mothers.

The NSW Education Department has made the successful young mothers program implemented at Plumpton High School in western Sydney available to all high schools.

The Burnside State High School in Queensland also runs a course for young mothers so they can finish their schooling. The Supporting Teenagers Education Mothering Mentoring (STEMM) program is designed to provide support and understanding for pregnant girls and young mums in a safe, non-judgemental environment.

In Partnership with Education Queensland, TAFE and the University of the Sunshine Coast, girls are able to engage with learning pathways towards certified outcomes.

Writer Helen Splarn. Editor Dr Ramesh Manocha.
Source: The Sun Herald

The American Psychological Association (APA) recently formed a task force which produced a report on the sexualisation of girls through the media and other cultural messages.

The report also included information for parents, carers and teachers on how they can help young women become aware of the sexualised imagery and messages that are presented by the media.

According to the APA, sexualisation occurs when any of these factors are present:

• a person’s value comes only from their sexual appeal or behaviour, to the exclusion of other characteristics;
• a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness with being sexy;
• a person is sexually objectified – made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent action and decision making; and
• sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a (young) person.

The last point (the inappropriate imposition of sexuality) is especially relevant to children, when children are imbued with adult sexuality; it is often imposed upon them rather than chosen by them.

Sexualisation of girls
The report found that nearly every type of mass media had examples of the sexualisation of women, including television, music videos, music lyrics, movies, magazines, sports media, video games, the Internet and advertising.

Research found that generally women were more often portrayed in a sexual manner than men (e.g., dressed in revealing clothing, with bodily postures or facial expressions that imply sexual readiness) and objectified (e.g., used as a decorative object, or as body parts rather than a whole person).

The report also documented the sexualisation of girls in advertisements (e.g. the Skechers “naughty and nice” ad that featured Christina Aguilera dressed as a schoolgirl in pigtails, with her shirt unbuttoned, licking a lollipop), dolls (e.g. Bratz dolls dressed in sexualized clothing such as miniskirts, fishnet stockings, and feather boas), clothing (thongs sized for 7– to 10-year-olds, some printed with slogans such as “wink wink”), and television programs (e.g. a televised fashion show in which adult models in lingerie were presented as young girls).

It also found that many young girls were unintentionally sexualising themselves by thinking of themselves in objectified terms. Many girls modelled themselves on the celebrities portrayed by the media; wanting to look sexy and physically appealing, often by wearing inappropriate clothing.

Consequences of the sexualisation of girls
The report found that emotionally the sexualisation and objectification of young girls undermined their confidence in and comfort with their own body, leading to many negative emotions including shame, anxiety, and even self-disgust.

Research also linked sexualisation to the 3 most common mental health problems suffered by girls: eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression.

It noted that for young men, the sexualisation of girls could make it difficult for some men to find an “acceptable” partner or to fully enjoy intimacy with a female partner (e.g., Schooler & Ward, 2006). This in turn could lead to increased rates of sexual harassment and sexual violence; and an increased demand for child pornography.

Positive alternatives to the sexualisation of girls
The report recommended the introduction of school-based media literacy training programs to combat the influence of sexualisation.  It also indicated that organized religious and other ethical instructions could offer girls important practical and psychological alternatives to the values conveyed by popular culture.

What can parents do?
The report encouraged parents to:

• teach girls to value themselves for who they are, rather than how they looked
• teach boys to value girls as friends, sisters, and girlfriends, rather than as sexual objects, and
• advocate for change with manufacturers and media producers.

How can parents help?:
Tune in - Watch TV and movies together. Get to know their world. Ask questions. “Why is there so much pressure on girls to look a certain way?” “What do you like most about the girls you want to spend time with?” “Do these qualities matter more than how they look?” Really listen to what your kids tell you.
Speak up – support campaigns, companies, and products that promote positive images of girls. Complain to manufacturers, advertisers, television and movie producers and retail stores when products sexualize girls.
Understand - young people often feel peer pressure. Help them make wise choices among the trendy alternatives. Remind girls that who they are and what they can accomplish is more important than how they look.
Encourage - highlight talents, skills and abilities over physical appearance. Encourage them to develop interests and get involved in a sport or other activity.
Educate - discuss media, peer and cultural influences on sexual behaviours and decisions, talk about how to make safe choices and what makes healthy relationships. Find out what their school teaches.
Be real - help them focus on what’s really important: what they think, feel, and value. Help them build strengths that will allow them to achieve their goals and develop into healthy adults.

Finally the report recommended that schools, parents and other caregivers, community-based youth and parenting organisations, and local business and service organisations encourage positive activities that help adolescents build nurturing connections with peers and enhance self-esteem based on their abilities and character rather than on their appearance.

Writer Helen Splarn. Editor Dr Ramesh Manocha
Source: American Psychological Association

Kids Free 2B Kids  

This website was started as part of a grass roots campaign to apply pressure to the mass media, current cultural trends and manufacturers that are exposing children to inappropriate sexualised imagery as they try to sell products and make profit. Kids Free 2B Kids is in alliance with The Australian Council on Children and the Media.  (Formerly Young Media Australia).
 
The American Psychological Association describes the sexualisation of someone as being when “a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness with being sexy” and  “a person is sexually objectified – that is, made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent action and decision making.”

Kids Free 2B Kids is full of the latest information and research regarding the effect this kind of exposure has on children and young people including:

• How children are portrayed in advertising: What they wear, how they’re posed?
• The images children are exposed to in their environment:  Billboards, magazines, internet, TV?
• The toys, dolls and games children play with?
• Exposure to adult sexual images that a child is not developmentally ready to absorb?

The website includes a section on how to complain to the Advertising Standards Bureau (ASB) if you feel an advertisement, music video clip or free to air TV program features the sexualisation of young people.

Childhood is recognised as a time of innocence, playfulness, fun and spontaneity. Children should be able to develop at their own pace, without undue pressure and influence from mass media marketing and advertising.

Julie Gale, founder and Director of Kids Free 2B Free believes that parents, carers and teachers try to provide an environment in which children can develop to their full potential. It is a time when children can be free to explore their world through play, spontaneity and innocent fun.  Children should be able to grow at their own pace, without the pressure and influences of the mass media, marketing and advertisers.

Recent international and Australian studies have highlighted the significant impact that the sexualisation of children in advertising and marketing campaigns is having on children’s physical and psychological health.

Dr Joe Tucci of the Australian Childhood Foundation said “children continue to be exposed to a whole range of sexual imagery that normalizes sexuality for them, and in that process, I think there are some long term consequences to children and to childhood in Australia.”

Writer Helen Splarn. Editor Dr Ramesh Manocha
Source: Kids Free 2B Kids

25% of African American girls reach puberty by 7 years old
15% of Hispanic American girls reach puberty by 7 years old
10% of white American girls reach puberty by 7 years old

A new American study published in the journal Pediatrics has found that girls are growing breasts and reaching puberty as early as 7 years old. The study was carried out by a research team at the Cincinnati children’s hospital, drawing on girls from East Harlem in New York, Cincinnati and San Francisco.

The team took 1,239 girls with Hispanic, African American and Caucasian backgrounds aged between 6 and 8 years old.
Experts are concerned about the effects that the early onset of puberty may have on the girls’ lives later on.

This effect on both their physical and emotional well-being is yet to be fully determined but research has shown that girls who physically develop at an early age are more likely to suffer from body image issues, low self esteem, an increased probability of eating disorders and depression.

Many of these girls are not emotionally or mentally ready to enter the world of ‘teenagers’ and they can find themselves out of their depths and engaging in sexual experiences at an earlier age.

Author and Generation Next speaker Maggie Hamilton said the implications of early puberty can have an enormous impact on young girls lives “life can be doubly hard for girls who physically mature early, because they sometimes look or act more mature than they are. Early-maturing girls are also more likely to interpret what they see in the media as approving of teens having sex.”

She added “As girls are physically maturing young and becoming more articulate, it’s easy for parents and teachers to forget that emotionally they’re still very young. The increasing influence of peers and popular culture on their behaviour and attitudes heightens their vulnerability. It’s a difficult balance for these teen wannabes, because while they don’t want to be seen as kids, they still have a lot of growing up to do”.

She concluded that “how girls approach puberty can have a huge impact on their ongoing self-esteem”.

Comparisons with studies conducted in 1997 show that the number of white girls who have developed breasts by the age of 7 years old has now doubled.

Similar results were also found in a European study conducted by the University Department of Growth and Reproduction, Copenhagen Denmark in 2009. The report Recent Decline in Age at Breast Development: The Copenhagen Puberty Study, found that the onset of puberty (defined as the age at attainment of glandular breast tissue) occurred in many girls by the age of 9.86 years in 2006 as compared with 10.88 years of age in 1991.

Experts say that there are many factors contributing to the onset of early puberty in girls including food additives, pollution, underactive thyroid glands and chemicals known as endocrine disruptors that act on hormones to change bodily functions.

Writer Helen Splarn. Editor Dr Ramesh Manocha.
Source: Sydney Morning Herald. Journal “Pediatrics”

25% of young people aged 16-24 experience mental health problems
75% of young people hospitalised in 2007-2008 was due to mental and behavioural disorders
30,706 young people were prescribed antidepressants in 2008*

The growing pressures associated with teenage years is increasing and taking its toll on the young people of today;  life is complicated and life style choices challenging.

There seems to be 4 main areas which affect adolescents; anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and eating disorders, although they are not medically linked they often have similar symptoms.

The growth of mental health issues among the young has seen 30,000 families a year affected. It is clear that the stigma that goes with mental health needs to be dropped in favour of validating and helping teenagers with the issues they are now facing.

Adolescent psychologist, author of “Surviving Adolescents” and Generation Next speaker, Dr Michael Carr-Gregg says that the most important thing for a parent to remember is to keep the lines of communication open on all levels especially emotionally, “if children and adolescents feel loved within the family, that there is a place for them at home, they may still push boundaries but their risk-taking will be less hazardous. So rather than just monitoring their behaviour, keep tabs on their emotional life. Look for changes away from a familiar or predictable pattern of behaviour.”

Dr Carr-Gregg points out several warning signs to watch out for:
Frequent sadness, tearfulness, crying
Gloomy clothing, writing and music
Poor hygiene and grooming
Hopelessness
Decreased interest in doing ‘stuff’
Persistent boredom and or low energy
Social isolation
Guilt and low self-esteem
Increased irritability, anger or hostility
Disruptive behaviour at school
Alcohol and drug abuse

If the current movement continues then 20% of adolescents will have experienced depression by the age of 18, and yet many of them will not seek medical help for their condition.

The practice of helping  young people deal with their mental illness using medication grew in the 1990’s. According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare publication Australia’s Health 2010, published by the Australian Department of Health and Ageing, this trend has continued to grow with 30,706 young people under 18 years of age being prescribed with antidepressants in the 12 months to June 2008. In the same period, 4,000 children under 10 years of age were also given mood-stabilising drugs, with a staggering 500 of them under the age of 5 years old.

Research has shown that antidepressant medication (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors – SSRI) can help stabilise children over the age of 12 years old. It is most effective when used in conjunction with other treatments such as cognitive behavioural therapy as part of an overall mental health plan.

Many parents feel they have failed if their child resorts to medication, however Steve Hambleton,  Australian Medical Association vice president said “there is a whole lot of resistance from parents and the individual but it doesn’t mean you have failed or you should give up,”  he added “it can be a useful part of the clinical regime.”

Kids & Co.  set up by clinical psychologist Anna Cohen offers psychological assessments and a treatment service to adolescents and their families who are experiencing difficulties. Ms Cohen said “we really believe there is a place for medication for teenagers, but not for all teenagers. If we have a chemical change on our brain, the medication puts that back into a healthy balance.”

She added “the problem is, a lot of parents have heard lots of horror stories about kids on medication and there’s often a comment made to me that young people on antidepressants are more likely to suicide – but that is not the case. There is a huge stigma attached to it. It’s terrifying to acknowledge that your young person is depressed.”

Writer Helen Splarn. Editor Dr Ramesh Manocha
Source: Sunday Telegraph

* Australian Institute of Health and Welfare publication Australia’s Health 2010, Australian Department of Health and Ageing

headspace is supporting this series of national seminars relating to the health and wellbeing of young people.

The next Mental Health and Wellbeing of Young People 2010 Seminar will be held in Sydney on Friday September 10, 2010

WHAT: Topics this year include major and current issues

• Cyber-bullying
• Drugs and Alcohol
• Body Image & Eating Disorders
• Teen Depression
• Resilience
• Sexualisation, Consumerism, the Media and Mental health

Feedback from our previous event:
• ”It was very insightful. I got such a lot out of hearing from the wonderful line up of speakers you organised for us. I congratulate you on putting such a powerful line-up and message together.”
• “Thank you again for organising such a great event- it was a wonderful success and hopefully the start of many more in the future!”
• “Congratulations and thank you on a well informed and planned conference. My colleague and I loved it. I know next year I would like to send my middle years staff.”
• “The day was a very valuable one and I know that there will be more teachers from our school attending the next one.”
• “The conference speakers were engaging and stimulating and to be honest I have thought of little else since…! It was extremely uplifting to listen to people who love what they do, who are passionate about young people, passionate about their area of expertise and who are generous enough to share their knowledge, insights and understanding to improve the lives of others. Congratulations to everyone involved, I for one have been moved into action and inspired to act!”
• “Thanks once again for such a wonderful conference. I got so much out of it. I plan to use much of the info I gained on the day on a whole school basis. It’s great to have practical info that can be adapted to a school setting.”
• “It was a terrific seminar and every speaker was dynamic and to the point, well worth having a second one. I will share the details with colleagues.”
• “It was wonderful to learn in such a funny and stimulating way. The power of humour…! I will tell all colleagues about what a great professional event it was and how they can possibly get to the next one.”
• “Thank you for your vision, passion and dedication for the wellbeing of young people.”
•  “It was a terrific seminar and every speaker was dynamic and to the point, well worth having a second one. I will share the details with colleagues.”
• “Again thank you for a wondrous seminar.”
• “I will promote the next conference for you, as last week was fantastic!”
• “Thanks for putting on a great conference.”
•  “Thank you so much for your part in organising the wonderful event…..It was inspiring to hear such a collection of speakers on the one program, all most informative and entertaining. I …. shall be passing on the information to others.”
•  “The event WAS wonderful and I am happy to see that you are hosting another so soon.”

 
95% of the delegates felt that the seminar was definitely worth attending

Australia’s leading experts in one event:
• Michael Carr-Gregg, Adolescent Psychologist and Beyondblue Ambassador
• Dr Sloane Madden, Expert in Body Image and Eating Disorders, The Children’s Hospital, Westmead
• Paul Dillon, Drug and Alcohol Research and Training
• Susan McLean, Cyber safety Expert
• Lyn Worsely, Psychologist, Developer of The Resilience Doughnut
• Evelyn Field, Psychologist, Author of Bully blocking, National Centre Against Bullying
• Dr Ramesh Manocha, GP, Mental Health Researcher, University of Sydney

For Education, Health and Welfare Professionals:

“The Mental Health and Wellbeing of Young People 2010″.
Date: Friday, September 10, 2010
Venue: Mathews Lecture Theatre, University of New South Wales, Randwick, Sydney
Time: 9am-5pm

To look at the full programme, download the brochure or register go to Generation Next

Or phone 1300 797 794

Editor Dr Ramesh Manocha

Despite the fact that there has been much research into the addictive and destructive nature of gambling, there has been a landmark victory for Melbourne pub the Pink Hill Hotel. They have been given the go ahead to build a children’s play area which will give children full view of the pokies and their parents in action.

Child-free pokies advocate Paul Bendat said “it’s a disgrace. It basically normalises gambling. Little kids say, ‘Look at all the grandmas and grandpas playing all the pokies in the room’.”

Anti-gambling groups are up in arms, warning that creating the playroom will only encourage and endorse problem gambling; allowing parents to utilise the children’s area as a child minding service while they play the pokies.

The Victorian Commission for Gambling Regulation (VCGR) has granted the Beaconsfield pub permission to build a children’s playroom to “be fully enclosed with soundproof glass so that children are visible to parents from the gaming room or bistro”. In effect this is putting a crèche in the middle of an adult’s entertainment area.

The VCGR has since withdrawn permission for the playroom to be fitted out with “soundproof glass so that the children are visible to parents” however they are still allowing the child minding facility to remain in the middle of the gaming area. They seem to have completely missed the point; that children will still be exposed to gambling and it will, in effect, provide childcare facilities while parents play the pokies.

VCGR executive commissioner Peter Cohen said “I am not concerned about children seeing poker machines because I don’t think that’s as harmful as … children being unsupervised.”

“I’m a realist. People will gamble. If they are going to gamble, I would rather they have their children supervised.”

The local community have also come together to fight the VCAT on this issue to get the planning permission overturned. A hearing into the matter will be held in November.

Writer Helen Splarn. Editor Dr Ramesh Manocha
Source: Sun Herald

A recent study Impact of Delaying School Start Time on Adolescent Sleep, Mood, and Behaviour published in Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine looks at how the sleep patterns of young people change during adolescence and how these changes can affect their overall wellbeing.

Timothy Olds, professor in the school of health sciences at the University of South Australia said “they under-sleep on week days and have this massive catch-up on weekends … so they are working through the week in a sleep deficit”.

Sleep affects how you think, how you feel, and how healthy you are. Adolescents need as much sleep each night as they did when they were children, ideal amount of sleep for an adolescent is about 9 hours each night.

The objective of the study was to examine the impact of a 30-minute delay in the start of the school day on adolescents’ sleep, mood, and behaviour.

This was done through the students completing the online retrospective Sleep Habits Survey before and after a change in school start time. Sleep patterns and behaviour, daytime sleepiness, mood, and absences were all measured during the study.
The data provided interesting information on the sleep patterns and body clocks of adolescents, confirming that their biological preference for falling asleep was approximately 11pm with their natural wake time at about 8am.

Of course any parent of a young person already knows this as they go through the agony involved in getting their teenager up in the morning, especially on school days.

The report found that later school start times might actually enhance the learning process for school age children. Results showed that starting school even 30 minutes later can dramatically improve students’ energy levels and overall health.

The school involved in the study reported that when classes started 30 minutes later there was a 45% drop in students being late or absent from the first class. They also said that the cases of students feeling unhappy or depressesed dropped from 66% to 45%.

The results of the study showed that students were getting on average 45 minutes more sleep per night and that they were actually going to bed up to 18 minutes earlier and the percentage of students getting less than 7 hours sleep decreased by 79.4%. On average 55% of students began to get more than 8 hours sleep per night.

Students reported they had a better sleep and felt more motivated. Daytime sleepiness, fatigue, and feelings of depression were all reduced.

Previous studies of adolescent sleep have shown that typical adolescents are chronically not getting enough sleep and are therefore perpetually tired in a way that impacts their health.

Health problems from chronically not getting enough sleep include changes in mood, attention, memory, behaviour control, and enjoyment of life. Lack of sleep is also likely to impact how adolescents learn and may lead to lower grades in school.
 
Other health concerns resulting from being tired include:
• Increased risk of driving accidents because of being sleepy
• Decreased exercise leading to a higher risk for weight gain and obesity, and
• Increased use of stimulants.

The authors of the study concluded that a small delay in school start time was associated with significant improvements to adolescent alertness, mood, and health.

How to help teenagers get enough sleep:
• Have a quiet bedroom, turn off the television, mobile and computer
• Limit the amount of caffeine, including caffeinated sodas, coffee, tea, chocolate, and energy drinks
• Exercise not only helps them stay fit but can help them have better and deeper sleep
• Teach your adolescent that their bed is the place they sleep, not the place to work on the computer, text friends, or worry about school, and
• Wind down before bed for at least 30 minutes—read, listen to music, or take a bath or shower.

Writer Helen Splarn. Editor Dr Ramesh Manocha.

Source: Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine School Start time and Sleepy Teens (Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2010;164(7):676-677) and  Impact of Delaying School Start Time on Adolescent Sleep, Mood, and Behaviour (Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2010;164(7):608-614)

Net Savvy profiles different websites and people that provide resources and information for parents, carers and teaching professionals on a range of issues which affect our youth today.

Inyahead is a website which features the work of Andrew Fuller.

Andrew recently spoke at the Generation Next Seminar in Sydney. He is a Fellow of the Department of Psychiatry and the Department of Learning and Educational Development at the University of Melbourne.

He has also been a principal consultant to the national drug prevention strategy REDI, the ABC on children’s television shows, is an Ambassador for Mind Matters and is a member of the National Coalition Against Bullying.

The website contains information for parents and teachers on a range of issues including:

• Handy Hints for Improving Learning
• Hearts and Minds – how parents and teachers can most effectively guide the education of teenagers
• Valuing Boys, Valuing Girls
• Helicopter Parents
• The Adolescent Brain, and
• Don’t Waste Your Breath – An Introduction to the Mysterious World of the Adolescent Brain.

Building Resilience in Teenagers
The concept of “resilience” offers a coherent framework for the creation of schools that are sensitive to the developmental needs of young people and their teachers.

10 steps to resilience:
Promote Belonging
Resilience is the happy knack of being able to bungy jump through the pitfalls of life. It is the strongest antidote we know of for self-harm, depression and drug abuse and it’s built on our sense of belonging.

Have some mooch time
We live in a world that suffers from attention deficit disorder. We rush children from activity to activity, from lesson to lesson and from one organised event to another. Then we wonder why, when there is a lull that they say” I’m bored”. Be a counter-revolutionary. Find some time each week just to be at home without anything structured happening.

Rediscover some family rituals
It doesn’t matter whether it is the family walk after dinner, the Sunday roast, the Friday night pizza or the Saturday morning clean up; rituals are highly protective. The best rituals often cost nothing. These are the activities you hope that later on your children will reminisce and say “Mum always made sure we did.” or Dad always made sure we did.”

Spontaneity and curiosity
Spontaneity and curiosity are the building blocks of good mental health. You cannot tell someone how to have better mental health and you can’t give it to them by getting them to read a book.

So the really hard message here is that if you want to raise your children to have mentally healthy lives you are going to have to have a good time yourself. If you want your children to succeed you need to show them that success is worth having.

Love kids for their differences
When families’ function well people are allowed to be different and to be loved for those differences.

We all know that children take on different roles. A father of three said “it’s as if they have a planning meeting once a year and say ‘you be the good kid, I’ll be the sick kid and the other one can be the trouble-maker’! And then just when you think you’ve got it figured out they change roles again”.

Having children who are strongly individual and who have a sense of who they are is a sign of good parenting. The problem may, of course be that they will then express their independent spirit in ways that you don’t like. The ideal is someone who has their own independent nature but is comfortable enough with themselves to allow inter-dependence.

Make it clear who is in charge
Families do not work well as democracies. In fact they seem to work best as benevolent dictatorships in which the parent or parents consult a lot with their children but at the end of the day, the parent has the final say.

Some parents fear that if they take charge they will lose the friendship of their children, but often the reverse is true.

Consistency
Consistency is the ideal. Having parents’ who agree on rules and standards and who convey the same sorts of messages and who value compassion over coercion, clearly have the best outcome in terms of children’s well being. It is also important that parents not be open to manipulation; rather they work together as a team.

Sometimes parents have different value systems or can’t come to a consistent way to handle particular areas. In these situations, a second possibility is to for one parent to take charge of a particular area. This is not the most desirable solution but it is better than having parents in conflict over management issues or worse, undermining one another. In single parent families or where parents are separated the same principle applies.

Teach the skills of Self-esteem
Families that work well seem to praise one another a lot. Compliments are made, positive efforts are commented on. Optimism is in the air. Even in these families, teenagers still shrug and say, “yeah Mum” or “yeah Dad” whenever a compliment is made.

Teaching the skills of self-praise is useful. One way of doing this to ask questions about any achievement or accomplishments. Asking questions like “how did you do that?” “How come you did so well at that test?” and “have you been doing homework behind my back?”

Know how to argue
Families that work well know how to argue. It seems strange to say this because we all have the sense those families that work well don’t have conflicts.

The family is really where we learn to resolve disputes fairly. The way that parents teach children to resolve differences of opinion with their brothers and sisters provides the basis for sharing, negotiating and problem solving in the world beyond the family.  While differences of opinion should be allowed to be expressed, children also need to learn that they will not be able to win at all costs

Parents are reliably unpredictable
With young children it is important to provide consistency and predictability. This allows them to feel secure.

As they get older it is important to have structure and consistency but it is also useful to act in ways that your children wouldn’t expect. This keeps them interested in learning from you or least wondering what you are up to.

Finally
Parents in healthy families realise that all of the above is desirable but not always possible and so they look at how to promote good functioning while not wasting energy on blaming themselves for the times when things don’t quite work out as they had planned.

Writer Helen Splarn. Editor Dr Ramesh Manocha.

Source: Inyahead

87% of young people happier when they have quality time with their dads

Research in the UK has found that young people who have the opportunity to spend quality time with their fathers on “most days’ are happier and more well balanced compared to those who don’t.

The Children’s Society released findings by the British Household Panel survey of 1,200 teenagers in the UK aged from 11 years old to 15 years old.

 It is of concern though that 46% of the young people said they “hardly ever” spent time with their fathers talking about issues that were important to them.

The study was carried out by the University of York and found that as teenagers get older they spend less quality time with their fathers talking about the things that matter to them most.

42% of the surveyed 11 year olds spent time talking to their dads more than once a week; however by the age of 15 years this figure had dropped to 16%.

The figures are “highly significant” because experts worldwide now recognise that a child’s well-being later in life depends on their teenage relationship with their father as well as with their mother.

The Children’s Society has launched a Fatherhood Commission to gather the views of both experts and the general public alike (including children), in the hope of exploring further the barriers to a father’s involvement with their children as they grow older and go through their teenage years.

Bob Reitemeier, chief executive of the Children’s Society, said: “This research shows that young people’s happiness is closely linked to how often they speak to their fathers about things that matter. Yet all too often these days, children are becoming alienated or live apart from their fathers”.

Writer Helen Splarn. Editor Dr Ramesh Manocha.
Source: The Children’s Society