Girlfriend_JuneGirlfriend June 2013

“Why are you crying mum?”

“Because I’m reading Girlfriend”.

An unexpected response, perhaps, from an (allegedly) grown woman. But a story in the latest issue did me in.

‘Real Life Stories’ – which I have always appreciated for giving space to the raw realities of so many girls lives – opens with a first person account of Carrieanne who took on the care of her younger brothers and sisters when her mother died suddenly at only 42, for reasons unknown. Carrieanne was 18. A moving photo shows her with her three younger siblings, one only a baby. Carrieanne has applied for legal guardianship and is continuing to study while caring for the children with the help of two older siblings and neighbours. Speaking of her mum she says “I think she would be so proud of what I’m doing now.” I think she would be too Carrieanne. (Now where are the tissues?).

In other ‘Real Stories’, Mariah, 16, is working to end poverty with World Vision. She began by getting an after school job so she could sponsor a child. By 13 she was fundraising for World Vision’s Haiti earthquake appeal and is now collating a book Reaching Out: Messages of Hope, a collaboration between 30 authors, illustrators and advocates from around the world to be published by HarperCollins, with profits going to UNIFEC for which she is now a youth ambassador. “Teens might not realise it, but we have so much power. We can be the generation that changes history. We don’t need to fix world poverty tomorrow, but we can help one child at a time.” Well said Mariah!

‘I left home to escape abuse’ is the story of Amy, 19, whose father verbally abused her for years.  He called her fat and stupid, ugly and a nuisance. She believed it was all true and became depressed and suicidal. Seeking a social worker at Headspace and moving out of home helped her to make the break she needed. “I just want to really encourage anyone who has ever been abused, whether it’s verbally or physically, to be brave enough to ask for help.”

There are other inspirational real life stories elsewhere in the magazine.

Girlfriend of the year finalists (note, this is NOT the modelling competition!) introducers readers to six young women aged 13-19 who are building businesses, overcoming illness, protesting and volunteering in developing countries. Brittany 19, first went to the Philippines as a 15-year-old to volunteer in an orphanage. She has returned 13 times and now wants to start her own orphanage. (I secretly hope she wins).  I’ve commended GF before for expanding a girl’s focus and encouraging service to others http://melindatankardreist.com/2013/05/girlfriend-trifecta-three-positive-reviews-and-big-ticks-for-global-perspective-in-may-issue/  and it’s great to see this again in this issue.

“Girl, You’re Amazing’ is about young women involved in non-profit work – from World Vision and Oaktree youth ambassadors, to raising awareness of mental illness, helping the elderly, campaigning for cerebral palsy research and supporting LGBT youth. Readers are given tips on how they can make a difference: Get educated, Raise awareness, Donate/raise money and volunteer.

‘Switched on: Sorting out the small things’ aims to help girls deliver bad news. Psychologist and life coach Dr Robyn Brass advises girls to: Prepare yourself (come to terms with it yourself, pause and process it); Decide on delivery (by yourselves, or with others, preferably in person), Wave the flag (flag what you are going to talk to her about), Tell the whole truth, Stop (collaborate and listen).  If you are the reason for the bad news, take responsibility.

Girls interested in the music industry are given ideas apart from being a singer or in a band, to help them enter it. Advice is given on being a venue manager, publicist, VJ or photographer. The music theme continues with readers sharing how it has shaped their lives – one says it got her through depression, another that song writing helps her channel her emotions, a third wants to use her music skills with the piano for music therapy for people with disabilities.

‘Is it OK to be mean to celebrities’ tackles the targeting of celebs on social media, continuing GF’s strong stand against online bullying. While much has been writing about girl-on-girl bullying this piece looks at the targeting and vitriol directed to famous people. “I the way we treat celebrities when they slip up any different to cases of bullying we see on the school playground?” asks GF. “The short answer is no.” Readers are encouraged to see celebrities as also human and not immune to online insults and attacks.

‘Odd one out: How to deal when you don’t fit in’ helps girls who don’t conform to the crowd and might feel lonely and rejected by friends. This can contribute to anxiety. Psychologist Lesley Bretherton tells readers it’s a good thing to be unique. “Think about who you are and what you want to be, and set your own goals. Talk to responsible friends and adults about your plans and goals. If you feel very anxious, ask your doctor for a referral to a psychologist to help you develop some good strategies to deal with feeling different.”

There’s a page on ‘Thrifty Tips’ for giving pre-loved clothing a new lease of life (a nice contrast to the pages of often over-priced brand label fashion).

Emily McGuire asks When did girl become a dirty word?’ exploring why the word ‘girl’ is often used as a put down and how many females have bought into it, preferring to be seen as ‘one of the guys’. It starts early, with characters in children’s films mostly male, with the female characters not achieving very much in the world, expected to play a role as ‘eye candy.’ Harry Potter author Joanne Rowling was told to publish her books under her initials so readers wouldn’t be put off by the fact a woman had written them. “Here comes the weather girl” has greeted Federal Minister Kate Ellis when rising to speak in Parliament.  Telling someone they are “acting like a girl” is always a putdown. Girls are encouraged to resist this. The last part of the piece tells girls that if they like the accroutements of stereotypical femininity pink cupcakes, frills, bows and sparkles, to embrace that and that’s fine. But I think the ‘girl’ insult is about much more than ‘embracing your inner girl’. The issue is much more than “playing around with your identity”. As so often happens, the issue gets reduced to individual behaviour rather than examining the systems and structures that contribute to girls being put down for being female.

Related is Project You: find you unique talent’ which helps girls discover and pursue their talents. GF psychologist Michael Carr-Gregg says “If GF readers find their ‘spark’ – something that they loved to do that gives them a sense of purpose – it will help free them from the need for approval that haunts many girls and diminishes their confidence.” Girls are told it won’t happen overnight, to think about the things that make them happiest and to put in the time and effort.

‘Perfection Infection: the dangers of perfectionism’ assists girls to recognise perfectionism in study, work, appearance, sport and relationships. “Perfectionists place very high (and often completely) expectations on themselves – and sometimes on others, too. They are ruled by their impossible high standards and an unbearable amount of pressure. Everything has to be ‘perfect, otherwise it’s just not good enough.” The article provides a helpful checklist of behaviours to look out for, such as being fixated on minor details, needing to always be in control, considering any mark below ‘A’ a failure, always comparing yourself to others and finding little joy in achievements or downplaying accomplishments. Long term effects can include depression, anxiety and eating disorders. The perfectionist’s rules and goals are so rigid, when not met, she may punish herself. Helpful advice is offered including recognising what triggers your perfectionism, evaluating how realistic your rules are and establishing more realistic goals.

Which brings me to the cover page.  When a celebrity has been re-touched GF has been disclosing the imagine was provided already re-touched. In this issue with Selena Gomez on the cover, the reader is informed “This image has been retouched.” I wonder why GF did that when it continues to say it resists photo shopping and wants more ‘real girls’ in its pages? (The disclosure on the inside piece on Gomez reads ‘These images were supplied to us already retouched). It’s one thing to disclose, it’s another to say why the action was taken. What was it about Gomez that the editors thought needed altering?

Apart from this need for clarification, a very good issue.